lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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