bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
