After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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