At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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