its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
