he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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