i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
