my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
