You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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