"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
