she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
