im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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