Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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