I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
