Umm I'm too high to move.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
