you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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