Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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