he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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