I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
