Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
