Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
