I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you didnt know i had herpes?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
