Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
