I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
