My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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