she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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