Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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