Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
