OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
