Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
