yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
