I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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