so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
