I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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