I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
