1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
