its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
