when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
