this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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