last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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