just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Success! We fucked roommates!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
