he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
