If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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