I met the friendliest cop last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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