If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
