does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
