Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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