im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
