i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
