P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
