you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
