Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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