you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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