Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
