There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
should my penis look like a turkey
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
