I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
