How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
