Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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