____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
