Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My ATM looks so different sober.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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