Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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