Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
