yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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