if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my liver is dry heaving
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize