I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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