spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
