put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it because I queefed?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
