walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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