Don't make out with my wife yet
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
