She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
